HOW AM I DOING???
"its hard to let go of someone who has
touched your life, but it hurts even
more to say goodbye to someone who was
never yours and yet changed your life
the most"
Quote For The Day
“If you don't get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don't want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can't hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change. Free of pain, free of the obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality.”
- wolfdyke
Last Sunday, my mom and I went to my sis Jurrine school at UP to adjoin the yearly event called "family day".It was fun and gaiety since this year was more glorious, eccentric and bubbly compare to last year.We have lots of food as usual, since I can see that mostly of the parents are so prepared and aggressively enthusiastic to the event, (of course that includes my mother) hehehe. I saw students there, their gleefulness smile and cheerful faces. There innocent laughs as if undying blitheness; so carefree, so at peace.I find it very sweet.
Then I paused, I linger... honestly? I miss my youth.I know I once was there, being one of them, so naive and so playful. And I realized I miss being a child.
Then the clock goes to 12 years later, from there, everything in my life has changed. Everything... and most of it I wasn’t ready.
My so called fucked up mess, wrong decisions, undying fear, mistaken paths... my amiss, all of them became my lifetime spices. Since then, I tried and tried that I’d never be vincible again and through that, I began to trust my instinct more than ever, confining my sentiments to just me and only me, trusting people less...lesser and revealing only to a few whom I felt accepting and knowing the real me.Its not that I want to become anti social, its just I realized that this time I’m not letting anyone to be so involved with me. Why? Because I don’t want to be attached to anyone only to feel the pain of being left behind... again.
I know things are still uncertain now and yet still have to find my direction. Though sometimes it’s hard for me to apprehend but I realized that the essence of making mistakes is that we learn from them. The more we do the more we became stronger because of it.I know it was only natural that sometimes we beseem with sadness and glumness, its okay, it really comes and go still we learn to fight with it, live with it...
and simply because that makes the beauty and essentiality of life.
.
.
.
Do I want to be a child again? I think I stick to what life I have right now... You see I still have to know the Deception Point. lol
Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14. The holiday is named after two among the numerous Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.
February fertility festivals
Though popular modern sources link unspecified Graeco-Roman February holidays alleged to be devoted to fertility and love to St Valentine's Day, Professor Jack Oruch of the University of Kansas argued that prior to Chaucer, no links between the Saints named Valentinus and romantic love existed. Thus whether or not in the ancient Athenian calendar, the period between mid-January and mid-February was the month of Gamelion, was dedicated to the sacred marriage of Zeus and Hera is immaterial.
In Ancient Rome, February 15 was Lupercalia, an archaic rite connected to fertility, without overtones of romance.
The word Lupercalia comes from lupus, or wolf, so the holiday may be connected with the legendary wolf that suckled Romulus and Remus. Priests of this cult, luperci would travel to the lupercal, the cave where the she-wolf who reared Romulus and Remus allegedly lived, and sacrifice animals (two goats and a dog). The blood would then be scattered in the streets, to bring fertility and keep the wolves away from the fields. Lupercalia was a festival local to the city of Rome. The more general Festival of Juno Februa, meaning "Juno the purifier "or "the chaste Juno," was celebrated on February 13-14. Pope Gelasius I (492-496) abolished Lupercalia.
Equivalents and in other cultures
Valentine's Day also has regional traditions in the UK. In Norfolk a character called 'Jack' Valentine knocks on the rear door of houses leaving sweets and presents for children. Although he was leaving treats, many children were scared of this mystical person.
In Wales many people celebrate Dydd Santes Dwynwen (St Dwynwen's Day) on 25 January instead of or as well as St Valentine's Day. The day commemorates St Dwynwen, the patron saint of Welsh lovers.
In France, a traditionally Catholic country, Valentine's Day is known simply as "Saint Valentin", and is celebrated in much the same way as other western countries.
In Denmark & Norway Valentine's Day (14 Feb) is known as Valentinsdag. It is not celebrated to a large extent, but a lot people take time to eat a romantic dinner with their partner, to send a card to a secret love or give a red rose to their loved one. In Sweden it is called Alla hjärtans dag ("All Hearts' Day") and was launched in the 1960s by the flower industry's commercial interests, and due to influence of American culture.
In Finland, Valentine's Day is called Ystävänpäivä which translates into "Friend's day". As the name says, this day is more about remembering all your friends, not only your loved ones.
In Slovenia, a proverb says that "St Valentine brings the keys of roots," so on February 14, plants and flowers start to grow. Valentine's Day has been celebrated as the day when the first works in the vineyards and on the fields commence. It is also said that birds propose to each other or marry on that day.
In Romania, the traditional holiday for lovers is Dragobete, which is celebrated on February 24. It is named after a character from Romanian folklore who was supposed to be the son of Baba Dochia.
In Turkey, Valentine's Day is called Sevgililer Günü which translates into "Sweethearts' Day".
According to Jewish tradition the 15th day of the month of Av - Tu B'Av (usually late August) is the festival of love. In ancient times girls would wear white dresses and dance in the vineyards, where the boys would be waiting for them (Mishna Taanith end of Chapter 4). In modern Israeli culture this is a popular day to pronounce love, propose marriage and give gifts like cards or flowers.
In South America The exchange of chocolates and flowers is traditional on Valentine's Day.
In Brazil, the Dia dos Namorados (lit. "Day of the enamored", or "Boyfriend's/Girlfriend's Day") is celebrated on June 12, when couples exchange gifts, chocolates, cards and flower bouquets. This day was chosen probably because it is the day before the Saint Anthony's day, known there as the marriage saint, when many single women perform popular rituals, called simpatias, in order to find a good husband or a boyfriend.
In Colombia, the Día del amor y la amistad (lit. "Love and Friendship Day") is celebrated on the third Friday and Saturday in September, because of commercial issues. In this country the Amigo secreto ("Secret friend") tradition is quite popular, which consists of randomly assigning to each participant a recipient who is to be given an anonymous gift (similar to the Christmas tradition of Secret Santa).
In Asia
Black Day (April 14) is an informal tradition for single people (a.k.a. Unit Solo, Korean: 솔로부대) to get together and eat noodles with black bean sauce in South Korea, sometimes a white sauce is mixed because those celebrating the Black Day didn't experience the White Day.
The idea is that those who didn't give or receive gifts on Valentine's Day or White Day can get together and eat Jjajangmyeon (짜장면), Korean noodles with black and white bean sauce (hence the name), to commiserate their singledom.
White Day is a Japanese holiday created in 1980, celebrated on March 14, one month after Valentine's Day. In Japan, unlike in the West, Valentine's Day is observed by girls presenting chocolates (either store-bought or handmade) to the boy of their choice. On White Day, men who received chocolate on Valentine's Day return the favor and give gifts to women. When White Day rolls around, it is the boy's turn to return the gift in what is called "triple return", since the gift the boy gives is supposed to be three times the value of the gift he received.
In South Korea, there is also Pepero Day, celebrated on November 11, when young couples give each other romantic gifts. There is an additional day for single people, Black Day, celebrated on April 14.
In Chinese culture, there is a counterpart to Valentine's Day, called "The Night of Sevens" (七夕); according to legend the Cowherd and the Weaver Maid meet in Heaven on the 7th day of the 7th month of the lunar calendar. A slightly different version of this day is celebrated in Japan as Tanabata, on July 7th of the solar calendar.
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Nevertheless, today is a day of love. Nor to some its just an ordinary day, but wouldnt be nice to show love and feel love for this season? and wouldnt it be great to make a difference just for this day?
Before I begin this write up I want everyone to know that Im doing not to please me but bec. its time for me to write on something to someone directly without the feeling of fear and apprehension for the outcome.
I was bullied...not until i knew it bec. I thought it was just reciprocal teasing that can be defined as playful joking and friendly however when he keeps doing and saying things all over again it was so irritating, distracting and annoying.
By definition---- Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person. Behaviors may include name calling, verbal or written abuse, exclusion from activities, exclusion from social situations, physical abuse, or coercion.
Not until I realized it, it was verbal bullying. It is a sarcastic remark, or insult intended to provoke me a response of some kind from the one it is directed me at. I dont know why he does it all; I know is he cant just get enough attention of my appearance, intelligence, mannerisms, background or maybe he is like that making unkind comments just to make himself feels good.
Ive researched that there are a lot of reasons why some people bully.
They may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge. Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them. Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying. They may be being bullied themselves.
Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behavior is and how it makes the person being bullied feel. Bullies may behave this way to be perceived as popular or tough or to get attention. They may bully out of jealousy or be acting out because they themselves are bullied.
Other words he was simply stupid and mean...
Last Saturday, sad to say I dont have the courage to fight him back. I ran away not bec. I was afraid of but because I was civil and genteel, I wont ever waste time just to indulge some kind of unbearable manners his "ill-mannered unlikely rude behavior". I didnt do anything to harm him, well in fact I was trying to be humane but i guess I had enough, I was not used of being bullied or the subject of bullying, my point is why treat people as a butt and center of ridicule, why making trash-talks making insult to other person's weaknesses, then why me?
Anyway I dont care his reasons, whatever it is? I will just give him the loser gesture it signifies that the person that this gesture is directed to "is a loser",
after seeing this on TV, cant take my eyes of it... of all cellphone this one really caught my interest...
tarang...
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was so much fun!!! Is her bday; I never thought, never expected that she is goddamn hell a great good cook! hahah (exag)
She cooks a lot, from calamares, sweet and sour, tuna vege pasta and delicious desserts, not only that her friends are so fu*king cool, they have this wacky costume (i mean its actually costume retro party) they were groovy, sassy, dandy and superb.. and just sad to say, sad to say I havent wear my scandalous attire...too bad! lol
see pics as evidence...
one thing we have in common: was our gorgeous looks, right gurls?
see told yah...
the berddey gurl is way too lovely
mga artista... way palag!
pakals!
hazel's dish: hmmm yummy.
making peace at the lifetime of war... wahahhahahah
This piece they just called it: buko salad christmas pandan? - huh?*roll eyes *
busted!!! (and I want the world to know...hahha) party time este playing time...
-I dont know why but just fell in love with this...very captivating, what an art!, having the hard time to convince hazel to post this one... hahahaha, glad the owner had finally agreed, not the intention to copyright, of course not; but I think it one hell worth of promoting,! dont you agree??? hehehe
This time I feel that I don't have that one... I always admire people who has the guts to know what they want, who has the will to decide things they wanted to be, and work for things that would make them happy. I'm still searching, seeking and looking... I dreamed like mostly everyone dream of, to be rich, to be famous, to have everything.... I guess they will end up just dreams. And yet, part of me is so damn scared to decide things that I might screw up. I'm just fucking sensitive and I know it will take too long to recover myself from such failure and rejection. Di bali nalang nalang" see that hateful attitude of mine.
Today, I do like my job, but sometimes I hate it and sometimes I just wanted to quit. *sigh* I'm sure enough that I wont be here for long, and who knows maybe tomorrow I will hand my resignation. All I know is... I want something to make me simply contented.
Time flies so fast, never thought last month I was 22, yesterday I was just 23 and now I'll be 24... still... here, constant!
But hoping, very hopeful in the delusion of a "happy ending future" at least one reason to believe and hold for that somehow, someday, it will all be more than just a dream.
For now, I just want to foresee things even in the midst of a day, very awake, thinking, deep thinking. But my consciousness is slipping and self-distrust is eating me inside. Again. Maybe I'm just ordinary sad.
3 things that makes me happy 1. gatherings (friends & family) 2. money 3. be with my someone ...
3 things makes me upset 1. out of control situation 2. unplanned things 3. having no choice 3. just a few hated people 3. violence 3. policemen 3. government (just some officials) 3. sometimes time
3 things that makes me feel good 1. self achievement 2. new discovery 3. new obssession??? tsk tsk 3. new things (from gadgets to apparels) 3. food (yummy, good, tasty food) 3. new places 3. new things learned
3 things that for me that are uncertain 1. success 2. future 3. dreams
3 things that makes me cry 1. reminiscing past memories 2. depression 3. my ex
3 things for me that are certain 1. change 2. changes 3. changing (hehe)
3 things that im good at 1. wearing my own style 2. tellling lies... ok just a few 3. imagination 3. listening 3. blogging 3. surfing 3. run away 3. hiding...
3 places that i love to go (country) 1. italy 2. france 3. london
3 local destinations that i love to go 1. boracay (sad to say never been to) 2. hundred islands (just my curiousity, if its true) hehe 3. bagio 3. ilocos norte (my great grandfathers hometown - )
3 things that are always in my bag/purse 1. credit cards 2. cash 3. celphone
3 favorite things 1. a diary which my mom gave me 2. gifts from my friends 3. my canon powershot camera
3 things that i fear of 1. frustration (i know its not a thing-hehehe) 2. boredom 3. betrayal 3. become too involved 3. too emotional attachmet 3. intentionally lies 3. depression 3. self - pity 3. cockroach 3. rats 3. pests, pests, pests 3. snakes 3. traitors 3. plastics 3. pretenders hahahah
3 of my guilty pleasure 1. fantasies 2. greys anatomy 3. george cloney (what the fuck!!!)
3 movies that i never get tired of watching all over again 1. serendipity 2. lake house 3. gladiator 3. congeniality 3. endless love 2 (janice and jun) wahahhahah, ok its not a movie, its korean series-hehe 3. keanu reeves movies
3 sports that i love to try on 1. swimming 2. equestrian -is that a sport? *roll eyes* 3. lawn tennis 3. gymnast 3. bowling
3 parts of my body that i love most 1. nose - the most active part of my body, i can smell everything 2. arms - even im getting too big, it still slender as ever... heheh 3. legs - like everybody's admire, pang beauty queen kaya ang legs ko, flawless!
3 parts of my body i love to have a surgery (for improvement of course) 1. smaller butt - this big butt of mine is way too catching! kakainis! 2. bigger boobs - hmmmm at least 34D hehehe 3. height - add 3 inches of my height now
3 courses that i realized i love to take 1. medicine - become an opthalmologist; eversince... 2. detective - researcher or working in Dan Brown Digital Fortress NSA - never say anything... 3. travel host - take note not locally but internationally and worldwide, o diba sosyal? hehehhe
3 names that i loved to name for my future babies for future reference if boy 1. vhan gabriel 2. dane luiz 3. Lord armen
if gurl 1. denise kate 2. margharet carmen 3. mizza nicole
3 favorite song 1. i miss u - incubus 2. half life - duncan shiek 3. thank god i found you - mariah carey 3. flying without wings 3. many to mention
3 favorite people 1. mama/papa 2. youngest sister 3. my ex (still my fav ex lang) 3. myself
To refrain myself from all worries, detached my brain to work and spent a day to province as if I was repeatedly starting my life all over again. watchatink? Well this day is indeed anything but so fucking boring... (yawned)
That Im out of money, seriously? yeah seriously!!! Ive been praying badly today hope that I could withdraw enough cash for next week expenses... Actually Ive been avoiding cash advances to my credit cards, no no CA this time, if asking or borrowing money from others would help me from my miseries, hehehe why not? hope luck will help me... thanks Ainz, youre the best!!!
though im not that so keen at buying their products, but taking pic as if promoting them wouldnt be bad anyway? hehehehehe Look closer to see my heena too...
click picture to enlarge Celine: at Ayala Center Cebu
I'm awake in the afternoon I fell asleep in the living room and it's one of those moments when everything is so clear
before the truth goes back into hiding I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding to work on finding something more than this fear
It takes so much out of me to pretend tell me now, tell me how to make amends
maybe, I need to see the daylight to leave behind this half-life don't you see I'm breaking down
lately, something here don't feel right this is just a half-life is there really no escape? no escape from time of any kind
I keep trying to understand this thing and that thing, my fellow man I guess I'll let you know when i figure it out
but I don't mind a few mysteries they can stay that way it's fine by me and you are another mystery i am missing
It takes so much out of me to pretend
maybe, I need to see the daylight to leave behind this half-life don't you see I'm breaking down
Lately, something here don't feel right this is just a half-life is there really no escape? no escape from time of any kind
come on lets fall in love come on lets fall in love come on lets fall in love again
'cause lately something here don't feel right this is just a half-life, without you I am breaking down
wake me, let me see the daylight save me from this half-life let's you and I escape escape from time
come on lets fall in love come on lets fall in love come on lets fall in love again
hmmm nice song. A very special person once told me its his favorite too...
"before the truth goes back into hiding, I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding to work on finding something more than this fear"
Ive seen my friends who falls in happily and sadily out of love. I've listened there stories, their so called moments either happy, rocks, sad and bitter. I've seen a lot of times displays of sentiments, watching one very story after another.
Of course I've met various men in my life, I dated, a few I got too involved, some became my obssession and one whom I considered "the one". Ironically or stupidly none of them had worked out. I dont know why it turn out to be that way, Ive never chose to, but I guess things happened the way they need to happen. I was really happy then and I think thats mattered most. And proud to say that Ive got to experienced the beauty and essence of the thing called real LOVE.
"I keep trying to understand this thing and that thing, my fellow man, I guess I'll let you know when i figure it out"
Literally, being single has never been a big deal for me unlike the way for some women who couldn't live without a significant other. Some say when age 30 reach up it would be hard for some women to find their "lifetime partner", but I think stereotypically these beliefs destroys the persuasion and confidence that women are still capable of living with dependence and reliance to oneself. We could still be happy in so many other ways, ryt?...
But hey, were only humans, and some nights grow colder with no one to love.. lol
so...
let's you and I escape escape from time
come on lets fall in love come on lets fall in love come on lets fall in love
"Im looking for him, coz I need to believe and want to believe thats theres still someone who can faithfully love that is real and one that lasts for lifetime" Is that so bad? - Lia (from the movie: All About Love)
Sometimes when in spite of you wanting to be a good friend, the desire to barred out the negatives you feel or think inside your head is just so damn so strong that you end up deciding this way... like pushing people away?
Might be, I'm still considering it, after all I don't want to decide things that I will regret at the end, not anymore...
besides they're still a few worth keeping for... hehe
Name: Jolla Carmen Valencia Home: Philippines About Me: Remarkably I’m easy to get along with, hard working and not thrifty, I'll be generous sometimes only to those people I inordinately fond of.
I maybe appear reserved, but this is not so. I’m never as quiet as you may look cause somehow I’m quite conversionalist (ehem), I mean I love to talk to people have great minds,
I loved being inlove, to love and being loved. Still, one can never be exactly sure of how and where I stand... coz my capacity to love can only be overruled by my shrewdness fear, and sometimes my damn foolish self views.
My stumbled block is over-ambition. I tried to do too much too soon and as a result its scatter my energy. If I can avoid doing this and perseveres in finishing what I started, maybe I will end up wealthy, which is just as well, as sometimes I love money! Hehehe
I consider myself as most industrious and hardest working why? bec. I could feel so and I really love to work and to always move myself out anytime. I think, I’m forever busy in pursuit of my personal ambitious goal. See my complete profile
